"Dare To Lead" Discussion
The idea of vulnerability scares me and because of that fear I’ve rejected that vulnerability could be valuable to me. In general, I’ve seen vulnerability as a liability, something that I needed to avoid, to protect myself against least I get hurt, and so that’s what I’ve done. I’ve build this wall up, that in my mind protects be from being vulnerable, thus protects me from the perceived danger of vulnerability. *inserts knee slapping laughter* What a lie I’ve told myself. Brene’s 6 Myths of Vulnerability (which starts on page 23) slapped me right in the face.
Apparently everything that I’ve ever know about vulnerability is actually a myth. The one that really rocked me was Myth 6: Vulnerability is Disclosure. In addition to my general fear of vulnerability, another reason why I’ve always thought, “vulnerability is not for me” is based on my fear that I had to be an open book to be vulnerable. I thought I had to tell people “all my business” to be vulnerable. That’s how I had always seen vulnerability displayed as this bleeding heart, open ball of emotions and I knew that wasn’t me, so I thought I couldn't be vulnerable. That's why I was so relieved when I read that Brene is not a proponent of oversharing and even provided examples of what it “looks like” to be vulnerable at work, but not expose the innermost workings of your private life. *Deep Sigh*
This book is challenging me in ways that I hadn't anticipated and Brene is dragging my little feelings about leadership through the mud, but I’m grateful and learning so much. Which of the myths resonated most with you? Let’s discuss!
Brene really gut punched me with section 3: The Armory. In generally I consider myself a pretty "unarmored" person. I try to move through the world not always having my guard up. I respect boundaries, but I push them too. I respect titles, positions and hierarchy, but I also enjoy working across and among different people to get things done. This section however really pushed me to consider the Vulnerability Armor I have up and what I can do about it. It challenged me to think about how I can put down my armor and inspire teams to do the same. So far the armored leadership that I know I'm guilty of is working from scarcity and squandering opportunities for joy and recognition. I never get "too happy". I mean things excite me, I'm capable of joy, but I'm also often waiting for things to fall apart. I'm often in a "on to the next" mode, so even when I have a win, I'm like, "thats great, whats next"! "Why do we insist on dress-rehersing tragedy in moments of deep joy", says Brene. For me I know it's fear, fear of disappointment, hurt, humiliation and honestly of vulnerability. Because joy, pure joy is scary as hell. I'm still "rumbling" with what to do to get over this armored leadership behavior and on to something that allows me to experience joy without fear of consequence. What are you rumbling with?
Lets discuss Dare to Lead Live on Jan 31st at 8pm EST. We can do Instagram Live, Facebook Live or a Zoom Meeting (Private Video Conferencing), let me know what you prefer in the comments and I’ll set it up!